Balance

It's here, we are sitting in our living room in our new house. We have just spent ALL day painting our kitchen         and it looks amazing. I am still in shock, like for real shock. I own my own home and I did it by myself! I'm amazed and proud and so, so happy! But also, pretty overwhelmed. There is a lot of work to be done and sooo, soooo much that I want to do to make this house our own. I want it to feel unique and very true to us. I am just so happy. So I am sitting here in my new living room blogging while watching "Happy New Year Charlie Brown" and it's an hour till 12 to begin 2013. Just what I wanted a low key New Year's Eve. 

Ok, so 2013, my word is balance. I want balance in my life, with my body, with my work and play, with alcohol, with time with my family. I want to enjoy without overindulging and I don't wanna deprive myself. I wanna go out sometimes, I wanna work out several times a week, I wanna eat Chinese once and while and not eat so much I feel like dying and then following that eat tons of other greasy foods days to follow. I wanna eat healthy foods but not to the point where I hit a block and then binge out on junk food. I wanna keep my house clean without killing myself over it. I wanna be able to relax, spend plenty of time with my doggy. I wanna feel good and excited about life and I think the way to do that is to create a balanced life! I hope I can achieve it! 

new year

It's almost time to start a new year, at the end of last year I had just learned I snagged a new job and I had just moved into a duplex with my boyfriend. Here we are at the end of 2012 and we are about to move into the house I bought. Crazy. I was just reading a post in July of this year where I was complaining about how I probably won't have a home of my own or a dog for *such* a long time. Wow, here I am with my pup of almost 4 months and a 3 bed 1/2 bath house that I'm about to move in. A house with a big backyard for my pup and our future children, a house that we could raise our kids in, a house I am extremely proud of, I am so happy about all of this change. It doesn't seem possible, I thought I was still soooo far away from that place but it turned out that I wasn't and here I am. I feel really proud of my life. I'm sure there are people who probably thought I wouldn't amount to much and maybe in their eyes I haven't. In my eyes, I have a great job that provides me a comfortable life and that allows me to learn and interact with new people and grow everyday. I have a beautiful home in a safe area with a man who loves me well and a sweet pup who we adore. I guess I'm writing this post to freeze a moment in time, where life is fresh and exciting and new chagnes are about to take place. I just wanna say that at this time I am extremely happy and grateful.

stop for a minute.

Ryan and I have began the process of looking to buy a home. It's been a long and stressful process but still really exciting. I can't wait to actually own a home, even though at the same time it scares the crap out of me! I know it'll be a lot more responsibility but it's definitely exciting to move forward with my life. Being a careless early twenty something with minimal responsibilities was fun for a while but honestly I thrive off of responsibility. I love being a caretaker and I love the freedoms that come with being an adult. I just hope things continue to progress and move forward with our careers. I want to be proud of the life I build and I want to be someone to look up to, so that's what I will continue to strive for.

Sometimes I still wonder what the purpose of life is, but then I remember something I heard that goes like this "The purpose of life is a life with purpose". I hear that and it makes sense again. My purpose is to be here to take care of the dog I rescued, to be a fun sister, to be another positive role model for my nieces, to be a supportive and loving girlfriend, to do my job with a smile on face, to help people, to be a good friend, to do what I can with what I have. I take comfort in the fact that  I am here and there is a reason and there always has been. I am here and loved and taken care of, that is enough. Oh yeah and here's a really cute picture of my dog on a laptop.....

Just a fun post

                             A. age :: 25

B. bed size ::Queen

C. chore you hate :: LAUNDRY!

D. dogs :: A handsome long haired mini dachshund named Cooper! :)

E. essential start to your day :: Puppy snuggles and a good breakfast!

F. favorite color :: I love yellow and light blue

G. gold or silver :: Silver

H. height :: five.feet.two.

I. instruments you play :: none :(

J. job title :: Assitant to an Insurance Agent

K. kids :: None yet, but I know for my first I like Noah Joseph for a boy and Olivia Ann for a girl! :)

L. live :: Springfield! <3

M. maiden name ::Kauffman

N. nicknames :: Lyss, Lyssa, Lyssie, Ol Plum

O. overnight hospital stays :: Not yet!

P. pet peeve :: rude ass people
Q. quote ::"Oh, yes, I did. I did, I had my cake, loved it, masticated it, chewed it and had everything I wanted." Big Edie 

R. righty or lefty :: right

S. siblings :: Two sisters; Lanae and Aimee

T. time you wake up :: 7 a.m. or whatever time Coops wakes me up.
U. university attended :: Benedictine University

V. vegetables you dislike: olives, pickles
W. what makes you run late :: my love for sleep
X. x-rays you’ve had :: Don't think any.
Y. yummy food :: Mexican and Asian are my fave!
Z. zoo animal favorite :: Polar Bears!

Inspiration

I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole getting married thing. If I do get married though, I want it to look something like this:

More jumbled thoughts

I'm a messy person so I like these messy little posts about what's going through my mind. It helps helps me clear my mind and get things sorted out. So here it goes.

Number one thing weighing heavy on my mind is my Great Aunt Ann, she was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and she isn't doing well. I don't know how much more time I'll have with her so it's been a really emotional week since she admitted to the hospital four days after falling in her home because she is so weak. I have a really hard time trying to picture life without Ann, she has been a vital part of life since I was born. It's been a hard pill to shallow, getting to used to the idea of not having her around for very much longer. I'm trying to stay positive and prepare myself for the what's to come. She is so important to me and I hope that she knows that.

Baby talk, there is not a day that goes by without me thinking about becoming a mother. I've been so back and forth about it and it's crazy to think that i'm at an age where people are starting to have babies on purpose! Haha, I definitely wanna wait till I'm closer to 30 but somedays I just can't wait for that day to get here, other times I definitely can, haha. I just really have a hard time understanding how the hell people afford children, like for real. I know my boyfriend and I will never make a ton of money and I just don't know how so many can just have these babies like it's nothing! I don't have a lot of extra money and I just worry that maybe I won't have the funds to support a family the way I want to. I want a decent house in a safe neighborhood, I don't want to struggle with money. I want to be comfortale. So then I think maybe we can just have A child instead of having 2 or 3, but then I love my siblings so much. I think I'd want my child to at least have one sibling. But then again, these are things I don't really have to worry about right. Just thoughts that cross my mind.

Puppy talk, I love my dog. Like, a lot. And since I don't have babies, he is like my tiny fur son. :) This is week three of having him and while it has been an adjustment, we just can't imagine not having him in our lives now. He is such a sweet little thing and even when he has accidents in the house or does something he shouldn't I just can't stay mad for more than two seconds. He gives us so much love and we just adore him. Pet ownership may be challenging at times and not too mention pricey...but he is so worth it. I'm so happy he is a part of our little family.

COOPER AND IVY!!!!

Two huge things have happened this week! On Monday Ryan and I adopted an adorable long haired dachshund named, Cooper! Then on Friday I became an Aunt for the third time when Miss Ivy Grace was born! So it's been a awesome and crazy week! Cooper has been the sweetest and best dog we could have ever asked for! It's been fun and challenging with the training process, but his sweet little cuddles and kisses make everything so worth it! And little Miss Ivy Grace came at 11:52 yesterday and I got to witness her birth which was one of the amazing experiences of my life! My big sister is officially my hero, she is such a strong and amazing person and watching her as a mother is just amazing. Elle and Lyla are so happy to be big sisters and I know they will do really great with their new little sis! Life is pretty grand right now!

right now

Things that have been weighing heavily on my mind lately...

I am happy to have my job but damn 9 hours a day, 5 days a week can be just enough to drive a person mad. But I have absolutely no room to complain. Best co-workers and boss that a person could ever ask for in the world and I make money and get to pay my bills and buy my starbucks and a few little fun things. I am lucky but I know I want to make a change in career someday, what that is I have no idea, but I really hope I can work in a more creative field. I wanna feel more like an individual, I wanna continue to find my voice.

Also, I have mad baby fever. I am made to be a Mama someday, I know that isn't anytime soon but I think about having little bambinos every.single.day. which actually isn't a new thing. Almost every night before I go to sleep, I think about giving birth for the first time and finally seeing the baby I've waiting all my life to meet. It's something I want and which feels so natural to me. I just wanna wait till I'm ready, but will I ever really be  really ready? I have no clue, I am totally unorganized and suck at saving money. One day I hope to get good at these things and buy a little house with a yard and (maybe) a dog and then little baby will hopefully come into my life. Until then, I have to just be content and keep learning about myself.

That's all for now.

Annoyance

Things that  currently annoy me;

When people DON'T dance at wedding receptions...why?

When people are walking the strip in Vegas at night....with their YOUNG CHILDREN....why, oh, why?

When people dig for compliments.....

When women make digs at other women because of clothing, weight, promiscuity, etc....why?

The fact that I crave Taco Bell every damn day.....why?!!????

The fact that I can't eat Taco Bell every damn day....POR QUE?!?!?!?

The fact that Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling HAVEN'T gotten back together...**YET**

The fact that Gilmore Girls ended without any real closure......URGH!!

The fact that I could never pull off jet black hair

The fact that I do not have a clue on how to properly dress myself...anyone wanna take me shopping?!? please?!?!?

The fact that I don't own enough dresses

The fact that I may not be able to buy a house or a dog for a WHILE.

Ok, bye!

Pops

Last night I had a dream that I spoke to my "Pops" who was my father's father. He passed away when I was about 7 or so, so I didn't get to know him well and I unfortunately don't have many memories of him. In the dream he was laying down in a bed at my grandmother's old house, he was wearing a hospital gown and was hooked up to an IV.  I was standing by the bed and Pops was holding my hand. He was talking to me, but I can't remember what he was saying. While standing by the bed and listening, I was openly weeping and gripping his hand tightly. I hope he was telling me that he loves me and is proud of me. I wish I would have gotten to know my Pops better, I wish he was still here and could meet my Ryan and his great grandchildren.


The few memories I have of my Pops are random. I remember playing outside and somehow cutting open my toe, my Pops doctored it up and comforted me while I was crying. I also remember being in he and my grandma's basement watching TV while I sat on his lap. We were eating Ritz crackers with cheddar bacon dip on them. Everyone also said that one of his favorite snacks was Ritz crackers with butter. I also remember him opening Christmas gifts one year. He was opening a gift in a box, when he opened the box, there were a ton of those packing peanuts inside. He thought it would be hilarious to start throwing them at us and it was.

Family is just so important to me and I always wanna make my family proud and do the most with my life, which they have given me. I'm so proud to be a part of both sides of my family, I'm so lucky to have landed where I did.

Lately

Lately I have been.....

in Las Vegas and having a great time

in deep thought about life and my purpose and worth

deeply in love with my soul mate

vastly becoming more outgoing

reading and wanting to write more

eating junk as usual

training for a 10 k and loving it

settling down a little more at a time

wanting to adopt a dog

wanting to start to side business in addition to my full time job

more confident than ever

enjoying my job

Health.

I am not a healthy person and it bothers me a great deal. I try to be and even time I do, I fail. I joined a running group and have been running about twice a week. It's a good start but my eating habits are the WORST. I cannot stay in a healthy eating pattern to save my life! I know how important it is and I know how many benefits there are to a healthy well balanced diet, but holy fuck, that shit is hard. I LOVE food, more than most, I feel. I love healthy food, but boy do I love the hell out of shitty junk foods! Cupcakes, taco bell, mac n cheese, pizza, nachos......the list could go on forever. It is my addiction and I want so badly to get it under control. I hope with the help of this blog I can track my journey to a healthier lifestyle. Oh, and   to add to that, a healthy lifestyle on a constricted budget. Ugh, life isn't always fun is it? Hopefully the way I start feeling will be better than any temporary high that junk food can give me. I wanna be happy, healthy, and balanced. Life is crazy and I'm only doing it once so I wanna get it right. That's all for now.

Marriage...meh......

I will be 25 in a few hours and I can barely believe it! Life flys! I have been thinking a lot lately about marriage. I've told many a people that I don't believe in it yet according to a specific pinterest board of mine, that isn't the whole truth. Marriage scares the shit outta me. Divorce scares the shit outta me. Growing up scares the shit outta me. So common sense would say to wait a little longer till these said things don't scare the living shit kittens outta me, but what if they always do? Life is literally passing me by so fast and I don't wanna have regrets like a failed marriage or being too scared to get married and ruining a great relationship.

The only answer that I have for myself right now, is that I am NOT ready to make this kind of commitement anytime soon. I'm just now getting a true feel for who I am! I need to figure things out a little more for myself, even though I get asked all the damn time when I'll be getting married...GET OFF MY BACK! I wanna have time to be me and let my beautiful relationship grow, I don't wanna rush anything. One thing I'm dang happy about is that I have a wonderful relationship with someone who cares deeply about me and my happiness. I'm in love and it's pretty damn awesome. Marriage and babies....one day...but as for now....I'm gonna go watch Doctor Who with my boyfriend.

Goals

Goals for 2012:

- go on road trip with friends

-go back to Vegas

- maintain regular workout schedule

-take more pictures

-build credit

-make a new friend

-get back into yoga

-try something new

-cook more

-give up soda for good

-be the change i wanna see

-plan a trip with the boyfriend

-get a tattoo (maybe...)

-write more

-be present

-be love

-be kind