Love is a Many Splendid Thing

For the longest time, I've had a fascination with love. I would love to think about love, watch movies (Titanic!!!), and read stories, listen to songs about it. The thing I never really considered was how tricky it would be to truly know and appreciate it when it comes your way. And just how normal but beautiful it would be.

For me romantic love was something that seemed too perfect to be real. It seems like something that I could look at pretty pictures of and dream about. It was like looking through an expensive store catalogue and picking out items just for fun. Or scrolling through pictures of beaches and dreaming of a vacation you know you'll never be able to afford.

 What I didn't realize was that love is being able to fart in front of someone comfortably.Yup. Love is being able to cry and have a total and complete breakdown in front of someone and have them just hold you. Love is being able to talk about whatever fears (rational or not) you have, without judgement. Love is knowing you don't need another. Love is knowing that what you have is imperfect but perfect for you. Are you lucky enough to know this? What is your definition of love?

The Bar Scene

I don't really go out much at all anymore and I'm perfectly ok with that. I love/hate thinking about the going out heavy period in my life. I hate/hate thinking about the times where downtown or not, I ended up much too drunk and making horrible decisions. What I take away though, are the times with friends, dancing like crazy, meeting random people and feeling young. What I don't miss is feeling like I was pretending to be someone I'm not, so desperate to fit in and such low confidence. I hate thinking that I was begging for men to accept me and deem me attractive. I hope that I can teach my nieces and my future daughter(s) to be strong, confident women. I want them to know that everyone is special and everyone of us has a wonderful purpose and we all need to believe in that. I feel bad for people who pass their early twenties and still frequent bars, and I hope to continue not to be one of them. I don't wanna depend on alcohol to have a great time.

 My new definition of a great time is having a great conversation, playing with my nieces, being around family, and being silly with my boyfriend. I'm only 24 but I feel happy to have my bar days behind me, I like me without the alcohol and I like spending time with people who don't depend on a substance to make themselves more interesting. I'm proud for feeling like I've progressed and have grown in these experiences. What are your thoughts?

My life at 24.

I want to know myself, to really truly get to know who I am inside and out. I want to understand why I'm here and when I look back, I want to know that it was all worth it. I want to leave my mark and be proud of how I spent my time. I don't wanna regret not trying and experiencing everything I have the opportunity to. I look back at my life now and already see so much regret, loneliness, sadness, and bitterness. How did this happen already? How do I make it stop? How do I truly live my life everyday to the fullest potential? It's so easy to talk about but so, so hard to actually execute.

I don't want life to slip past me and for me to feel all "bleh" about it! But how does one successfully find meaningful employment, become a satisfied and sane parent, maintain a house, car, cleaning regiment, remain in good shape, have a successful marriage, and maintain a social life? Ugh, too damn much! When is it time to just live? When is it time to just be free? When we're retired and most likely raising our children's children, because the new generations keep getting more and more lazy? Speaking of living what does that really mean? I feel like there are many different definitions depending on who you ask. I wanna find out how I define living.

I wanted to start this blog so I could get to know myself better and inspire other to follow suite. I promise to always be honest and upfront about what I'm sharing. Thanks for reading. Stay tuned. :)