right now

Things that have been weighing heavily on my mind lately...

I am happy to have my job but damn 9 hours a day, 5 days a week can be just enough to drive a person mad. But I have absolutely no room to complain. Best co-workers and boss that a person could ever ask for in the world and I make money and get to pay my bills and buy my starbucks and a few little fun things. I am lucky but I know I want to make a change in career someday, what that is I have no idea, but I really hope I can work in a more creative field. I wanna feel more like an individual, I wanna continue to find my voice.

Also, I have mad baby fever. I am made to be a Mama someday, I know that isn't anytime soon but I think about having little bambinos every.single.day. which actually isn't a new thing. Almost every night before I go to sleep, I think about giving birth for the first time and finally seeing the baby I've waiting all my life to meet. It's something I want and which feels so natural to me. I just wanna wait till I'm ready, but will I ever really be  really ready? I have no clue, I am totally unorganized and suck at saving money. One day I hope to get good at these things and buy a little house with a yard and (maybe) a dog and then little baby will hopefully come into my life. Until then, I have to just be content and keep learning about myself.

That's all for now.

Annoyance

Things that  currently annoy me;

When people DON'T dance at wedding receptions...why?

When people are walking the strip in Vegas at night....with their YOUNG CHILDREN....why, oh, why?

When people dig for compliments.....

When women make digs at other women because of clothing, weight, promiscuity, etc....why?

The fact that I crave Taco Bell every damn day.....why?!!????

The fact that I can't eat Taco Bell every damn day....POR QUE?!?!?!?

The fact that Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling HAVEN'T gotten back together...**YET**

The fact that Gilmore Girls ended without any real closure......URGH!!

The fact that I could never pull off jet black hair

The fact that I do not have a clue on how to properly dress myself...anyone wanna take me shopping?!? please?!?!?

The fact that I don't own enough dresses

The fact that I may not be able to buy a house or a dog for a WHILE.

Ok, bye!

Pops

Last night I had a dream that I spoke to my "Pops" who was my father's father. He passed away when I was about 7 or so, so I didn't get to know him well and I unfortunately don't have many memories of him. In the dream he was laying down in a bed at my grandmother's old house, he was wearing a hospital gown and was hooked up to an IV.  I was standing by the bed and Pops was holding my hand. He was talking to me, but I can't remember what he was saying. While standing by the bed and listening, I was openly weeping and gripping his hand tightly. I hope he was telling me that he loves me and is proud of me. I wish I would have gotten to know my Pops better, I wish he was still here and could meet my Ryan and his great grandchildren.


The few memories I have of my Pops are random. I remember playing outside and somehow cutting open my toe, my Pops doctored it up and comforted me while I was crying. I also remember being in he and my grandma's basement watching TV while I sat on his lap. We were eating Ritz crackers with cheddar bacon dip on them. Everyone also said that one of his favorite snacks was Ritz crackers with butter. I also remember him opening Christmas gifts one year. He was opening a gift in a box, when he opened the box, there were a ton of those packing peanuts inside. He thought it would be hilarious to start throwing them at us and it was.

Family is just so important to me and I always wanna make my family proud and do the most with my life, which they have given me. I'm so proud to be a part of both sides of my family, I'm so lucky to have landed where I did.